I could tell my teachers were all worried but I could also sense that they did not feel that I could not make it there. But I knew for sure that I wouldn't have made it without the constant encouragement from my teachers and even my principal. I was recovering from a back injury back then and I will not forget the days when our principal will just approach me and ask if I am recovering well and all I had a great ending at 16 years of age before I began to embark on a new journey.
With my score, I could go anywhere I wanted. But I believe fate has brought me to this place. I could go anywhere I wanted, but then, I only had HC as my choice in mind. I don't know if it's all about the packaging and imaging and "overglorifying" of everything as mentioned in the previous post, but I still chose it as my choice even when my parents told me i should have put Raffles as first choice.
And that was when, life decided to stop being so kind to me. Life was of course a breeze during the first three honeymoon months. But when things started getting serious, the ugly side of such an elite education begins to surface as well. In an extremely big cohort of 1. Which is what, ultimately hurt us and stresses us out the most.
Every single day of my Jc life, I felt like I was in a competition that I mustn't lose. I didn't lose, I was simply the last few. I remember there was this week in July , when I was in J1 where I cried every single day, even during school time because I just cannot accept the environment here. It was too I was even judged for having come from a neighbourhood school. In the first place, I came here almost all alone because I had no close friends with me. It was hard to find someone that I could actually pour everything out to and relate to and it just seem like everyone was just too busy trying to run to the top of the mountain and all I wanna do is to back trek.
And the point is, even if you back trek, nobody really notice because you are just 1 out of the thousand. So small, so insignificant, that I was almost invisible. I told myself back then that if I couldn't clear promos then, out of this school I'll go. Eventually I cleared promos and stayed. Well, actually I will most likely stay because I actually enjoyed CCA lots because dancing has always been my stress-reliever and like I've already said for the th time, HCCD was one of the main reasons why I actually did want to come to HC and did not regret coming to HC.
I was just thankful that there was actually something about this school that I could enjoy, and that SALT centre where my CCA is usually held at doesn't feel like part of the school. Stepping into , being a J2 then became a completely different thing with a totally different story.
I made the grand decision to downgrade my Econs to H1 even when I could comfortably continue and sink into that sea of Us for H2 Econs, and wait for good grades to drop from the sky during A levels. Many people were against my decision because to them, "HC Econs is tough and you'll eventually make it there". To everyone, every bad grade that I got in HC could be easily accounted by using such an excuse. But I was glad I followed my own decision and know that I really am not a single bit talented for Econs and didn't force my way through.
It really, as of now, didn't matter who judged me at that point in time saying I was incompetent anymore. Because I know I made the right choice. I spent and gave all my time to dance in December holidays and the first term of school that I didn't study much, and flunked my Block Test 1. I didn't even have the chance to inform my mum what the heck was going on in my life at that moment and it panicked her out so bad like I was going to be a drop-out or something.
From that point onwards, I knew I wasn't the kind cut out to be part of an elite top school or whatever because I just couldn't stand the way things functioned and all. I couldn't even find a reason to go to school and I don't know who to turn to to confide and all but I was sure I was mentally stable enough to handle it all on my own, even if there wasn't a single person out there who could empathize with me entirely about my situation and feelings of being in here.
I was a regular customer to the college reception for the green slip known as the out-of-campus pass and I have even mapped out my own "escape routes" out of school that I won't be caught or questioned by the security guards. It got so often that we would even rejoice when we finally make a rank up to the 2nd last but the last will still belong to us eventually the next round. Sometimes, you'll even see us kid with the neighbouring S69 for "stealing" our 1st position from the back.
I don't know how anyone else actually felt, or if anyone else from the better classes actually noticed that we're at the other spectrum, but for one thing I know, it was almost like we're almost invisible and we barely heard any nice words of encouragement from the lecturers and all. Some of us, we struggle so hard to even get that E.
Perhaps to them, we're just a slack class who don't turn up for tutorials and pon lectures and that we're happy and used to being last. But do they actually see our effort to do well too? Do they actually think we really actually enjoy being the last everytime? It was so hard for them to even know that we're still alive and breathing, because all they could care was the laughters from the rest. I decided to work doubly hard since SYF ended but that didn't mean the dramas to my JC life was going to end there.
It was understandable considering the level of commitment and all and since results was all so ever important, such drastic measures has to be taken. It didn't matter that much to me actually since I already knew the way the school functioned but it did matter alot to me that I could finally speak up for myself for something that I wanted to do.
Like finally, for the first time in 1. Because I finally had my voice heard, I decided I will work super hard to show that I am worthy of this place in HC, I am not going to let anyone who think I'll be a straight As student down.
This was also during the June holidays where I began my revision, or more like catching up my work. I also began booking consultations with my tutors because I wanted to do well. At least it didn't make me feel so invisible and insignificant. But it was still bad enough for me to easily place myself at the bottom 30 percent of our cohort. Time got lesser, everyone tried their best to make it to the cream of the crop as prelims and A levels approached.
Truth is, I didn't do well for prelims either. It was close to the A levels and time was running out. Everyone was panicking and so was I.
I felt so close, so close to giving up. I broke down several times, mainly the days when I got back my prelim results because I felt so lousy and helpless that despite putting in so much effort, results barely showed. I feared that I wouldn't make it in time for A levels. I feared that my A level grades wouldn't differ much from my J2 performance. But there was nobody to turn to, because everyone was too engaged in this race to the top and nobody has the time for you.
All you have is yourself. It was like at that point in time, everyone was so busy doing up their personal statements and applying to the UK universities and all I could do was to sit there and envy, and get back to my work, feeling all lost because where I'll end up will be determined by what's coming up next.
I was thankful that there were still friends who were there for me during those times to tell me not to ever give up. I told myself that if a miracle happened to me during O levels, anything is possible for A levels. I didn't give up. The concept of Project Work is actually a good thing because it prepares you for many useful skills like working collaboratively and learning how to write reports and do presentations.
However, because it is a graded subject H1 , the nature of the syllabus requirements makes the whole process truly restrictive and wayyyyyy too structured.
Based on my own experience, when my team thought we did a good job with our first draft for our report, we were pretty much told to 'redo' the whole thing because it did not 'meet the requirements'. The stress starts to build up when deadlines are piling and teammates start to go missing.
Then come in the whole lot of drama with finger pointing and accusations. Oh trust me, this is a rite of passage. Just when you though you were done with Oral at 'O' Levels, you have a formal Oral Presentation after you are done plowing through sleepless nights for your final report.
Good luck ; The silver lining As everyone is now older and 'supposedly more mature', you will be tasked with more things to handle and JC teachers tend to take a more hands off approach. In other words, be ready to tank on more responsibilities. There will be some chatter as to whether a student actually needs to commit so much to their CCA given that there is actually no CCA bonus points deduction at 'A' Levels.
The truth is that having no CCA or bad CCA record will reflect very badly on your portfolio as you look to apply for universities or scholarships. This group of unmotivated students join CCA for the sake of it will also be a pain in the ass as they will usually just do the bare minimum.
And in merely 6 months, most JC 2 seniors will step down and you will be handed the reins to run your CCA as the next incumbent batch. No longer will you have seniors to rely on and it is truly 'do it yourself' time! If you are the type that never had to get tuition in primary school or secondary school, tuition might become a necessity in JC. Given the heavy workload and the intensity of the syllabus, you might need that extra help to survive through 'A' Levels.
In all honesty, I know for sure that I would have probably not made it for my Chemistry at 'A' Levels if I didn't get tuition in time. With the need for extra tuition, that is more time commitment and homework to do. The plate just keeps getting more and more. I never really struggled or failed subjects in secondary school. But when I entered JC, passing was considered great and failing was quite a common sight.
It is not unusually for half the class to fail a common test. Thankfully, there is moderation and that helps most students stay barely afloat but so close to drowning that you can't afford to relax too much. The golden advice here is to not let the 'F's on your test score demoralise you too much, it will be a common sight moving forward. It is all the more important to stay afloat and being consistent because once you lag behind, the catch up race is going to get twice as difficult.
Thus, even if they fell asleep during lectures, they came to class the next day with their tutorials filled with all the correct answers. This only reinforced the stereotype of how students who come from wealthier backgrounds are able to gain a leg up.
Earlier in the school year, everyone seemed excited for weekly CCA sessions. But soon after the leadership and ExCo positions were announced, they started dropping like flies. One of my teammates who used to be cordial started giving me the cold shoulder after I was elected as the vice-captain of my CCA. Some also stopped going for trainings and sought other means to boost their portfolios, such as taking on numerous community service projects and internships during their holidays.
My sister, who was from NJC, once shared that her friend left her notes and wallet on the canteen table to get a drink. When she returned, the thief had taken her notes, not the wallet. Whether it was academics, CCAs or leadership positions, competition was insane.
I heard of peers from other JCs who kena sabo , and had their notes, stationery and graphic calculators destroyed or stolen leading up to their exams. I chose the Science over the Arts stream because I was told I would have better prospects, even though my interests lay in Arts.
I did not enjoy what I was studying and found it hard to grasp the concepts taught. Compared to my classmates, I took a longer time to complete my homework and fared terribly in tests. My self-esteem continued to plunge.
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