Remarkably polite people know that what is right for them might not be right for others--and even if it is right, it is not their place to decide that for you. Like most things in life, offering helpful advice is all about picking the right spot--and polite people know the right spot is always after you are asked. They don't judge the person they are speaking to. They don't judge other people. They don't judge other cultures or countries or, well, anything.
You meet someone, talk for 30 minutes, and walk away thinking, "Wow, we just had a great conversation. She is awesome. Of course, when you think about it later, you realize you didn't learn a thing about the other person. Remarkably polite people are masters at social jiujitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened.
SJ masters are fascinated by your every career step, your every journey of personal transformation, your every clever maneuver on your climb to the top of your social ladder They find you fascinating--and that gives you permission to find yourself fascinating.
That's an authorization we all enjoy. Social jiujitsu is easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended, and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how or why or who. As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask how she did it.
Or why she did it. Or what she liked about it, or what she learned from it, or what you should do if you're in a similar situation. And don't think you're being manipulative, because you're not. Showing a sincere interest in people isn't manipulative. It's fun--for you and for them. They get to talk about things they're passionate about, and you get to enjoy their enthusiasm and excitement and passion.
And if that's not enough, think of it this way: No one receives too much respect. Asking other people about themselves implicitly shows you respect them. Remarkably polite people keep on being polite: partly because they know no other way to be, but also because they know there is no other way to be. Top Stories. Top Videos. Getty Images.
And he stands there, waiting for you to come to him in some weird power move. In short, polite people never big-time you; instead, they always make you feel big time.
Polite people wait for the other person to establish the nonsexual touch guidelines. Where relationships are concerned, the best elephant is a dead elephant.
They never speak just to share the greater glory of themselves. Blog Outsets and onsets! Read More. November 08, To top. English American Examples Translations. Sign up for free and get access to exclusive content:. Free word lists and quizzes from Cambridge. Tools to create your own word lists and quizzes. Word lists shared by our community of dictionary fans. Sign up now or Log in.
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